Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Blessings of Betty

Make the community able to invest in itself...by caring for its old people, and teaching its children
– Wendell Berry
 

Funny how funerals make you think about life.

Betty Y.’s funeral was this morning and Ed and I drove into town for it. It took place in Second Presbyterian's chapel where we had worshiped with Betty for more than 20 years. Like us, Betty was an 8:30-service person. Our regular seats were in the pew just behind her.  For the past decade or so, her head would bob slightly – perhaps from old age, but more likely in agreement with the sermon.

I’m sure lots of people will miss Betty. Certainly, Mary, our youngest, will. Their friendship goes back nearly a decade, but was reinforced each Sunday morning when Betty would turn around to offer us the sign of peace – with an extra squeeze of Mary’s hand, her eyes twinkling.

It all started by the time Mary was 13. One of Mary’s confirmation assignments was to interview a member of our congregation. Mary chose Betty, mostly I think, because she wasn’t scary and had always been gracious and kind and shown interest in Mary. I dropped Mary off at Betty's front door. The interview lasted most of an afternoon; Betty made Mary feel right at home as she settled in on the sofa in Betty’s front living room. While Mary was the one who was supposed to be asking the questions, the conversation would inevitably turn back to Mary. What did she think? What was new in her world?  

This conversation continued on for years. Mary would stop by her house and Betty would welcome her in. The last time was the week after Christmas. Mary stopped by with some homemade cheese straws and the conversation picked right up. What’s new in your world?, Betty wanted to know.

And what is new in your world Betty?, Mary asked. And then, more tentatively: How are your cancer treatments going? Betty said she was feeling pretty fine. Her four children, their spouses, and her five grandchildren had all been around for the holidays. She had loved every bit of it, but was looking forward to some quieter days working puzzles with her sister, Frances. She reassured Mary that while she might die with cancer; she certainly was not going to die of it. Be assured.

Betty was a blessing in Mary’s life. She forms a long line of people who have circled around our children: Bunch, Tom, Joe, Patrice, Glenda, Carol, Karen, Jane, Beth, Leanne, Randal, aunts, uncles, and other dear family and friends. Each has encouraged them when they needed encouraging; cheered for them when they needed cheering; thought of them just when they needed thinking of, remembered them on big and small occasions. Ed and I are indebted to all these people. It is by their actions that our children (now grown) have felt the love of community and now know how to render it to others.


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